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Tunes Five... I never thought I'll ever think the thoughts I think today, I always dreamt to dream the dreams I'm dreaming night and day, And thinking of forbidden dreams were dreams I dared not dream, And dreams of thoughts of dreams so strange I dreamt at hazard's whim... While thoughtless lines messed thoughtful words into a senseless thought, And dreamless nights killed dreaming seeds and dreams have turned to naught, I always thought one day I'll think the thoughts I thought and knew, I never dreamt in dreams to dream of dreaming dreams of you...         *  *  * With you. You don't know it, but I am with you. When you look ahead seeing nothing but pain, Cringing in fear at unanswered questions, At dreadful certainties, Knowing that tomorrow the scythe is going to hit again, Wounding, crippling, killing, Cutting through any armor, any shield thickness, Your face masking futile anger, In your lungs enough air to shatter three worlds with roaring whispers of pain, The fingers groping for handholds where there are none, Your pillow soaked with last night's salted, out of season, rains, I am with you. Around you, when winter chills try to penetrate the thin layers of hope, In front of you, when dark horizons are searching for your eye to blind, Inside you, when convulsing muscles face predatory demands of bland realities, With you, Offering my bone to block the scythe, My eyes to light the darkness, My arms to burn the winter away, My spirit to carry away reality to the land of no return, My life, For your love.         *  *  * Where does one end and the other start? Where does hell end? does it end? can it end? It starts, sometimes with a song, sometimes with a bang, Sometimes with a crisp smile, And the fists clamp, And the teeth grit, And your eyes wildly search for the exit, And you wish you could scream, or hit, Or disappear taking the whole world along with you, Only to find out that the more you struggle, The more you get enmeshed, Hell loving you, embracing you, cocooning you, Layer, over layer, over layer, Suffocating you in its intimate embrace, Gently reshaping your body, your surroundings, Your life, And whispering in your ear with unbeatable certainty - Hell never ends... heaven never starts... Where does one end and the other start? Where does heaven end? It never ends, Because it never starts...         *  *  * I dream. Don't know of what, don't know of whom, Waking up excited, trying to force the dream back into my mind, No way, it dissipates into nothingness, Leaving an almost indiscernible trace, Warm, sweet, an unfair guessing game, Unfair since I know the answer to the question, Don't know of what, know of whom... So I close my eyes anew, Kissing off the grass blades dew, Arms encircling lamp posts one, Two male cops and milkmen none, Holding up my face and chest, Yielding to a strange request Hammered in my dulling brain Time, and time, and then again, Asking me to give up hope, Keep the faith, yet promise... nope, So who cares if I'm a dope?... Yep, cause there's a lady there Hiding out around somewhere, That is sending me a rose, After thumbing me her nose, Keepin' glidin' out of sight Like a fading streak of light, And she scratches just to kiss, And to hide among the trees, And to catch me unaware, And inside my eyes to stare, And her life with me to share... I made it. My dream is back, so real, so tender, Like the last brown leave shed off an old oak tree When autumn magic envelopes in hidden whispers my lost senses, And you float inside the golden landscape, Holding out your arms, Offering your most intimate secrets, Abandoning your tense body in my desperate hold...

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Gave Me Life... Feels as though I've never been                                  born before, Out of reach this strangely odd                                  distant shore, Life or death a blending blur                                  none to care, In a mindless children's game                                  truth or dare. Passing suns through changing moons                                  rolling on, Spring to summer, autumn dies,                                  winter's gone, Smile forgotten on my lips,                                  mind at rest, Hoping night forever sets                                  in my chest. Gently darkness touched my brow                                  reaching out, With its kiss of winter cold                                  touched my mouth, Just as night was closing in,                                  like a wife, You, like fire swept me on,                                  gave me life.

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Yes, No, Yes... I remember those long gone words, When you told me you got into your car, The window down, Driving to this secluded place, The wind playing messy games with your golden locks, Half your mind wondering, Half knowing already, Do you love me?... I forgot that long gone torture, The day we married, Vows burning hot on our lips, Promises fresh in my nostrils, With you wondering away, To our honeymoon, And someone else waking up at your side, Will I leave you?... I know the moment now gone forever, When your smile, oh, that most miraculous of creations, Took away my sight Blessing me with light, Burned away my face Blessing me with grace, Pierced my body through Blessing me with you, When your laughter, oh, a butterfly's beating wings, Drowned me in its lace Smothering embrace, Roped me in its silk Honey flavored milk, Crushed me under feet Ripped me with its teeth, When your word, oh, a king's scepter studded with the diamond of your sigh, Rolled into my brain Like a crashing train, Rolled under the skies My forbidden vice, Rolled and landed sweet Right against His feet, And I knew, I forgot, I remembered, Do we love?... Yes... No... Yes...

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Live!... I sit and read an empty screen, I wait for word or sign, I read unwritten and unseen Your lines when touching mine. I wait in empty naked bars, I drink from dirty cups, I touch inside old rusted cars Half breeds and squealing pups. I open books at pages odd, I count the commas through, I try to find the secret code That links my mind to you. I close my eyes to see the sky, I cover ears to hear, I touch a face and ask it why And how way home to steer. I'll never touch. I'll never see. I know. I'll go. I'll part. I beg of you my life to free, Kind girl - please pierce my heart.       * And if 'beyond', and if there's 'there', The 'there' to you I'll give, Yet... be 'there' lies, and none to share, Then live. Forget me. Live!

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The Light... I see a warm yellow light, Somewhere, far away, I stretch my hand to touch it, It is too far, I get up, walk towards it, And the more I walk the further it gets, I hurry up, my feet chasing each other faster, The light never closer, yet... warmer, bigger, I don't give up, I must reach it, touch it, I start running, closing my eyes against the glare, Peeling my clothing along the path, I have to reach it, My right hand stretched far in front of me, Trying to gain another yard, another inch, Sweat pours down in rivers in a desperate effort to cool my body, Trying to protect it from the terrible growing heat, I feel my eyelashes burning, My skin blistering and exploding, My eye pools drying, Am I nearer? or is the light turning into fire? Is the fire turning into blaze? Another few steps, Flesh turning to charcoal, Breath turning into liquid pain, Flying, One last step, Am I there? I jump in... I open my arms, open my chest, Open my unseeing eyes, And for one last glorious moment I burn, I burn, My body turns to flames, I am in the heart of the sun, One spark in infinity, One momentary flare on the map of an endless reach, And I live, And I love, And I'm gone...

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Primitives... When I pulled you by the hair, When I dragged you to my lair, When you kicked my hurting shin, When you banged me on my bean, When I bound you hand to foot, When I tied you to a root, When you scratched my cheek to blood, When you rolled me in the mud, When I built a bed of rock, When I had your chin to knock, When you screamed and bit my nose, When you broke my two big toes, When I blocked the cave at night, When I huddled down in fright, When you pulled away the hide, When you slid down by my side, When we trembled frightened hell, When the goat slid in as well... When I saw the sunny spot, When I kicked away the goat, When I wanted to get out, When I tried to find your mouth, Which was holding to my ear, Was it pleasure, was it fear? When you clutched the beard I wore, When you pulled my cloth and tore, When you snarled and gripped my chest, When you pulled me in your nest Which was warm and rotten sweet, Was it ivy, was it beet? When we rolled out of the cave, When we screamed wave after wave, When we punched each other's eye, When we fought over the fly Which was going down the throat, Was it you, was it the goat? When I leaned against the tree, When you leaned against my knee, When I bit your scrawny neck, When you scratched my back a wreck, When I picked your tangled hair, When you reared like wildest mare, When I fell to panther's paws, When you chased with nails the claws, When I fought the savage bear, When you licked my wound and tear, When I slashed at mighty foe, When you snapped and wouldn't go, When we fled the raging flood, When we pulled through deadly mud, When I cut my string and bow, When I watched your belly grow, When the baby gripped your tit, When the goat nibbled your feet...

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Nose, Rose, Bow, Toe... With my finger             Touch your nose, In my left hand             Here's a rose, To your feet             I'll kneel and bow, And I'll kiss             Your right big toe. Here's a hanky,             Blow your nose, Smell the petals             Of my rose, Yellow ribbons             To my bow, Scarlet ribbons             Round your toe. To my forest             Pulls your nose, To a prickly             Bed of rose, Long your body             I will bow, Making love             From head to toe.

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Fantasies... I touched you today, You came into my arms, Floating into them like a hesitating snow flake, Cold enough to survive the consuming flames of desire, Warm enough to burn your brand on my skin, Unreal enough to make me doubt my sanity. I hugged you today, You poured into my arms, Sliding into them like a muscled snake, Strong enough to curl into a crushing loop around me, Soft enough to drown me into your deep embrace, Far enough to make me scream in despair. I held you today, You rested in my arms, Biting into them with wanton abandon, Our bodies tied with razor sharp barbed wire, Our skins glinting with blood mixed sweat, Our mouths devouring each other, The beating drums in our chests shattering our bones, So unreal, So far, So soft, gentle, wild... You left today, Leaving behind a token of your promise to come back, A promise, A certainty. Your heart.

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Rhymes... Rhymes. Lovers' food, Playing musical tunes on voice's vibrating strings, Deliciously rolling round the tongue's amorphous softness, Bouncing inside the mouth, Ricocheting front tooth to cheek to rear tooth, Echoing over and over inside the rough confines of head's bony sculpture, Till the song is ready, the smile bursting to rush out, To conquer the world, And the gates open, And the lips sculpt the colors, the shapes, the shades, And it flows... Tiny waves undulating like shapeless fish inside the colorless air ocean, Invisible wings beating thousand beats per second, Carrying the sound sparks, Reflections rushing madly between facing mirrors, Finding endless distances to conquer, endless ears, endless hearts... Rhymes. My lover's food. My lover's food, and wine, and music... Rhymes. My food. My food, and wine, and music... When my lover writes a whispered sigh, When my lover bends a golden coated word, When my lover baths in celestial spelling wonders And holds my face in her rhyming spell, Drilling into my eyes her eternal vows, Roaring into my ears her eternal inaudible laughter, Carving into my lips the indelible mark of her loving teeth... Rhymes. Chimes. Kiss. Bliss. You. I. Live. Die.

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Reality... Reality. Thousands of miles. Laws, rules. Reality. Age, friends, family. Reality. The daily, the weekly, eating, sleeping. Sleeping in another bed. Eating on a far away table. Crying, somebody else wiping your tears. Blowing your nose in somebody else's handkerchief. Reality. The laughter I don't see, the fragrance I don't taste, the blue eyes I don't hear. The laughter, Your lips parting, your teeth gleaming, Your cheeks pulling back allowing small wrinkles to form at your mouth's corners, Dimples digging in, Shallow wells of sin, Bending fore in joy, Happy, shy and coy, Mouth a deep realm Opening its charm, Eyes an open book With a hungry look, Breath a burning flare... If I only were... The fragrance, Your sweat mixing with your tears, with your skin's steam, Your undergarments soaked in your sweet feminine smell of life, of passion, Rolling little beads, Mixed with salty seeds, Haze round fingertips, Dampness touching lips, Artful dancing breast In your shirt's hot nest, Rose and fleur de lys Flavoring your kiss, Ankles, wrists, and chin... If I could have been... The blue eyes, Your eyebrows arching up in amazement, in childish wonder, Your irises widening like black velvet circles painted on butterfly wings, Eyelash batting fast Raising golden dust, Deafening the sound As they drum and bound, Moistening the curve Of the wild reserve Hiding wonders blue, Ever shifting hue, This enchanting sea... If I just could be... Reality. The reality that is not there. The reality of seeing you, your reflection irreversibly carving itself on my irises, The reality of tasting you, your taste irreversibly liquefying my body's insides, The reality of hearing you, your voice irreversibly ringing in my memory banks, Reality. The reality of smelling you, the reality of touching you. The reality of dreaming of you. Reality. The reality that is not there. That my coal blackened hands are digging, That my dirty fingernailed hands are bending, That my smarting bloodied hands are forging, The reality that will always be there, The reality of you.

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Invisible... Invisible. Miles and miles of blood red carpet, Hundreds of thousands of fragile anemones, Hungrily opening their mouths to the sun, Swallowing the piercing rays, the lulling heat, Lazily rolling in the thin breeze, Hiding in their impenetrable midst the reddest of them all, The warmest, softest of them all, The sweetest, Never to be found, never to be picked, Never to be distinguished from all those others guarding it with fragile fierceness, With envy and adoration. Never to be touched. Your mouth. Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to look for it. And then one more day. Invisible. Leagues and leagues of sky blue desert, Billions and billions of tiny little drops, Childishly playing foaming games under the smiling sun, Sparkling in blinding changing colors, living for one single blink of the eye, Then for another one, Rolling in giant waves and sneaky currents, Impudently claiming possession amidst them of the bluest of them all, Competing on warmth, on flame, on depth, Playing hide and seek and never disclosing the hide out, Ready to sacrifice their tiny lives for the queenly beauty, For the devastating secret, For the door to the sea gods kingdom. Never to be seen, never to be discovered, Never to be gazed into. Your eyes. Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to find it. And then one more day. Invisible. Raging seas, Exploding volcanoes, Rumbling god steps upon black lightning whipped clouds, Deafening thunder, deafening roar, Hiding mid their imposing threatening kingdom the most awesome thunder of them all, Ready to mount guard in hell protecting their majestic guest, Beating with the oceans, beating with the mountains, Beating with the humming forests. Never to be ensnared, never to be enslaved, Never to be tamed. Your heart. Never? That's just fine, 'cause I have forever to capture it. And then one more day.

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Wherever... If in hell -             I'll wait for you, If in heaven -             I'll wait too, Yet, if not in mine you'll dwell, Be it heaven, be it hell, Loud you'll hear my battle cry, (If I'm dead, well, I can't die), With my nails I'll dig and crawl Miles deep ice and fire wall, With my teeth I'll rip and peel Trunk thick bars all clad in steel, To your side to roll and rage, Be it gold or fire cage, Round your waist my arm to lock... Round us armies roar and flock, Sent by kings of dark and light Angered at these lovers' might, Grinning devils, spears and words, Angry angels, wings and swords, White the heaven, black the hell, Rows and rows just swell and swell, Hooves a beating, wings a flap, At a sign they form a trap, Gaining power, fear and might, Step to trot, then trot to flight, Whisper turns to thunder roll, Trickle turns to waterfall, And we wait - hands locked round waist, Shoulders one, bare chest to chest, Eyes ablaze and fear there none, We are two, and we are one, Facing hordes of holy rabble, Whites and blacks who foam and squabble, Bent on raving the accused... Yet... big boss... He seems bemused, Partly angry, partly grinning, Weighing loving versus sinning, Counting deeds, and counting pain, Weighing saint against profane, Never fore, since time began, For eternity's short span, Did He hesitate as such, Did He weigh and wait so much, Till... just moments fore the hordes Were about to swing the swords, With His finger He shot down, Mixing smile with fearsome frown, Freezing angels riding light Like a wall of mighty white, Freezing devils sunk in grime, Opening a breach in time, And with... what was that?... a wink?... In a timeless endless blink Opened up a door unknown To His kingdom's very own, Leaving hind the screaming raff, Did we hear his booming laugh?... One more blink, the door is gone, Never was, was never born... And I looked - your eye I drank, In my heart your smile you sank, Locked forever -             Hand in hand, In His garden's             Neverland...

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Abstract... A woman? A little girl, Lost in a forest of questions, Asking so many why's, Unable to answer, to accept the answer, Wishing to know secrets unknown, Wishing to be told the reasons, the mysteries, the magic spell rhymes, Wishing to be a little girl, Careless of the why's, the how's, the when's... The little girl, the woman.... Desires? Dreams, Water sculptures, Shapeless thoughts forming on your eye's inner view, Cruising round your mind, down the depth of your heart, Knowing certainly that maybe, Finding routes leading from everywhere to a wonderful nowhere, Weaving day's sun rays into night's absorbing black cloth, Seeing shadows of black on black, Seeing music of soft on sweet, Seeing dreams, Careless of time, of place, of reality, Seeing the dreams, knowing the desires... A spark? A super nova, Eyes open or eyes shut burning with creation's intensity, Spreading wild, consuming, Desert in its wake, Flowers dressing the desert, Colored wings dressing the flowers, Long fingers touching the colored wings with thin soft finger tips, Carrying a message, Carrying a forgotten dream to a sleeping girl, Carrying the super nova fire to the girl's forbidden heart's gardens, Careless of life, of death, of eternity's nothingness, The super nova revelling in its disguise as a spark...       * A hawk? A little bird, Broken wing hanging limp, Leaning to one side, looking with imploring eyes for the final blow, Begging, tortured by the inevitability of life, Letting me mend its shattered fragile bone Pouring layers upon layers of sweet potion upon the bleeding wound, Quiet in its pain, silent in its pain, Huddling in a corner of my palm, Soaking in the warmth, sleeping, Waiting, Waiting for the day when one mighty flap Will carry it soaring away, Into the sun, Away, Gone...

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Bouquet... I offered you a bouquet. A poems bouquet. You touched it with your eyes, Inhaling the verses, Slowly, With pleasure, Letting me know that words are your favorite gardens, That poems are your favorite flowers, In shape, in color, in fragrance, Asking for more, With a little girl's voice, With a little girl's smile, With a woman's love. And I kept writing, Smoothing your eyes' wrinkles with the steam iron of my word, Reshaping your body's landscape with the steam hammer of my verse, Paving happy moment patches long your rugged life's path with the steam roller of my dreams.

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Black On Blue... Black on blue. Black chiffon veil descending over shiny eyes, Invisible thread running long hundreds of indiscernible small squares, Parceling the clouded extents of the twin blue lakes into as many fragments, Each a different shade of blue, Each a different shine and twinkle, Each carrying a fragment of the tear shaped drop running away long pale cheeks, To a mouth's corner, Where you, unknowingly, lick it away. Black on red. Black chiffon veil descending over hesitating lips, Its hundreds of tiny windows hazy with the steamy breath, Fluttering softly like autumn leaves caressed in their fall by sliding air fingers, Sticking at times to a trembling lower lip, Touching it lovingly then hating to part from the wet murmuring flesh, Allowing white shiny ivory flashes at times through the haze, Salty crystals gathering invisible at mouth's corners, Visions of forgotten tunes escaping the forgiving mesh into the frozen sun light, When you, ensnared inside a painful dream, pray. Black on white. Black chiffon, black cotton, black silk, black pearls... Covering white flesh, with modesty, with reserve, With hidden beauty, Rarely allowing an occasional glimpse into the kingdom's secrets, Flapping round thin ankles, Raising and falling with life's unmistakable signs, Stretching round numb constantly changing landscapes, Round numb thoughts and frozen mind images, Images flickering through the black flapping canvas of memories painted by time, Your memories.       * The blue, darker, The red, deeper, The white, blinding in its reborn innocence.

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Morning Eyes... I woke up this morning with a terrible desire for you, I was rolling your body, Round and round and over and over, Your hands stretched above your head, Your eyes closed, smiling, Through bushes, through grass, through rotten autumn leaves, Sleepy worms burying their heads hastily out of the way forgetting their fat tails up, Grasshoppers jumping out of way desperately trying to tune their one string violins, Your hair getting caught in thistles, in fallen branches, Squirrels rushing ahead of the rolling path squeaking Only to peep later on furtively from behind tree trunks While playfully chasing and biting each other's tails, Daring at times to jump over your rolling legs then running hurriedly away, Until at times - two, five, got caught in the game, And I kept rolling you, Your skirt skidding from ankle to knee, Tiny red scratches adorning your feet, Dry leaves sticking to you, and petals imprisoning a buzzing angry bee, and dew, Then we reached the end of the hill, and I caught you, and we rolled together, I clawed to all your soft parts, you clawed to my back, to my neck, Undressing as we were rolling, Making love as we were falling, And chattering squirrels jumping over us in wild joy, Again, and again, and again... I went to sleep this evening, Nursing smilingly tiny squirrels' bites...

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Imaginary... I reached out an imaginary hand. You took it, You held it in your hand, Leading it slowly to your warm breast, Letting it linger there imaginary hours, Looking at me with round open eyes, Asking imaginary questions, Listening to imaginary answers, Not caring what they were - Neither the questions nor the answers, Knowing all the answers to any question, Reading them again in my eyes, in my face, Looking, Long seconds, each stretching indefinitely, Waiting for the inevitable imaginary kiss, Hotter, longer, much bitter than any imaginary reality, Each reaching hungrily for life in each other's chest to suck in, To swap, To merge... Imaginary, More real than any reality... I walked away, Retrieving my imaginary hand, Putting an end to the imaginary hours, And questions, and answers, Ending the imaginary kiss... Did it, did it all really end? Can an imaginary handhold end? Can an imaginary kiss end? Or does it hold on to its own imaginary reality, Clawing at it with desperate resolve, Clutching, biting, Till one day, one day it will break reality's fortified gates, Weave itself in its fabric, And become... reality...

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Knives... Knives, Cutting through me, Tens of them, hundreds of them, Some sharp, some blunt, some dented, Seeing you walk... so slowly... so painfully... Knowing I cannot rush to your side and offer you an arm, a shoulder, A life... Knowing I must hide while you hold on to another arm, To another shoulder, Not apologetically but determinedly, Proud in your body, in your life, in your torment, I look, Shamed in knowing I force my presence upon you, While you wouldn't want me to see you this way, While you would give away a chunk of your life to entertain the image, The ideal woman you imagine I carry in my mind, The ideal woman I do have in my mind, The one I love, The ideal woman you are. Yes, the ideal woman you are. I look, I know, The more I look the more I know, I know you know, That it cuts me to pieces and I roll in pain with you, That I don't give a damn, That I would gladly swap places with you... That I would give my life for you, The way you would... That I love you, The way you do... Knives, Thousands of knives, Slicing my skin, ripping my entrails, Seeing you then not seeing you again, Seeing you for a few seconds, Forming a few mute words in the air, Blinded by the look of love, of fear, of flowing warmth, Blinded by the neck, by the face, the hair, the hand... A few seconds, then gone. Forever? Oh, God, no, not forever, My thoughts chasing you, my eyes seeing you, Minutes later, hours later, A lifetime later? O, God, no, not a lifetime later, Not a lifetime of memories, Of bitter regrets lining sweet memories, Of knives sawing through living tissue, through bone, Through sanity... While wheels roll away, And you sit there looking ahead, Smiling tears in your eyes reflecting mine, And every second pulls you further and further away... Knives. Countless. Reminding me. Of you, Of a love never born, Of a love never to die. Knives. Meaningless, irrelevant. Knives. Blessed. Reminding me. Of you. Of a love never born. Of a love never to die.

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Touches... Touched your nose... Fingers long twin riverbed Depths of which floods often bled Flowing down a timid red Gentle rose... Touched your shoulder... Fingers long twin falling straps, Mountain proud its tip unwraps As the hand its contour maps, Fires smolder... Touched your hip... Fingers long twin falling lines Long forbidden serpentines Way where love with life entwines, Dreamland deep... Touched your soul... Fingers long twin whispered vows Welding hearts - a promise ploughs, Yesterdays, tomorrows, nows, Two and whole...

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Searching... I've met so many little girls, Eyes topaz and gold in curls, Never once a girl I've seen Yearning for a sky in green And in pearls... I've met so many girls along Soft and tender, rough and strong, Never met that special one Blending stars to moon to sun To a song... I've met so many for a while, Sweet of eye and sharp of style, Never one was selling whole Life and body, heart and soul For a smile... Spring has passed, And summer's flown, Autumn's here, I'm still alone, Yet before harsh winter knocks And my port forever docks, All I wish Is meet the girl Yearning skies in green and pearl, All I wish Is run along While she blends all life in song, All I wish Is dying while Life she feeds me, for a smile...

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