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It Never Stopped, The Train... The pain in my soul is as deep as your eye color. You thought the train stopped, it never did. The train raced on, oblivious to our needs, It was time that stopped for us... only us, And just for a brief moment, in the journey of our mind Our fingers did touch, our hearts felt the breath of a new love, Moments borrowed that allowed for a split second to forget.. We could stop thinking about the final reality of our being. You never felt the train slow down, because you knew it couldn't, You knew it was unattainable, even in your fantasy you knew. Your mind wouldn't let your heart stray too far. The dream can only exist in our minds from which it was born. You jumped off the train and I'll never know why... I keep trying topress a picture of your face in my mind's eye, The way someone would press a flower into the pages of a book. I just wanted you to know that when you wake up I'll be waiting. Waiting in the castle, with the garden of rainbows and magic. There is no train, no mountain to climb, no lies and no truth. There is just us... in a world that reaches beyond dreams and hope, A world that we created out of necessity. I have no expectations. I'm happy for what stolen moments may come. Terribly satisfied knowing that true love found me through a page in some other time, From another world. You shall not be lost jumping off a train, As I shall send the light from my heart, and you will always find your way back. Our story will not have a sad ending... for it shall never end... I love you so...

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Prometheus Delivered... Reality kicks in With the stomping grace of the proverbial elephant in a porcelain shop, Obliterating, Mindless to the delicate shapes of singing, dancing figurines. I always thought dreams are beautifully immaterial, No substance, Nothing that can die, Nothing can ravage their un-dimensional existence, Dreams are eternal. So I thought. And reality's steamroller rolls unperturbed Smashing, Grinding to thin dust the most untouchable of memories And leaving behind a pitiful splash of what, Once, Was a whole world. I open my memories book for the first time. No, I don't lie. Every time I open it is the first time Because every time it is a new book, A new memory written in, changing it to something new, Different. I go through the white pages, so many of them, I go through the days, years, White, white... When did my memories start? I watch my fingertips as they leaf through patiently, Blackened, Charred by the touch I dared touch you Stealing the fire from your body And letting it seep in depths of inner soul Depths of dreams, Depths of memories, Now punished Prometheus wise, to be chained to the rock of life No vultures ripping pieces of my liver But memories, Tameless, wild, Indomitable. Finally, a blush conquers my cheeks, A first page, No text but a childish drawing scratched on it, A few lines for a body, a circle for a head And a funny triangle for a skirt, A question mark to the left side of what was supposed to be a chest. Woman. The first time I met one. The first time I met you. A few memories later intercalated by some white pages I added something symbolizing hair to the bald head, And breasts. Many memories later adding a basket of flowers, colors, An abysmal drawing of something supposed to be a bird And the first words, The first rhyme abhorred by all self respecting poets Envious of the one who invented it - Dove, Love. Leafing on, Falling asleep on the open book And waking startled that maybe I missed something... Didn't miss anything. Memories written, eternal, Each page tearing a piece of liver and burying it with a dead past, Another page, Then another. Kisses. I must have been dozing since I missed the first kiss And jumped right into the flood Shaking off the remains of a tired brain and drinking, gulping, Pages, upon pages, upon pages Of kisses, hugs, kisses, kisses, kisses... Kept looking for a break, for a breathing pause, None, Kisses, kisses, kisses, Months, months, months... Body touch. Fire. Melted gold spilling inside my throat through a mouth pouring down sighs, Turning to gasps, Turning to animal yelps calling upon God For his wonders, For his angels, For the passion dressing two naked bodies into clawed ribbons of skin... Followed by a deafening blessing of silence... And a flood of verse None of which as magical as that childishly primitive Dove, Love. Do you remember when the skin started healing? When was it, how many pages later? Many? Few? Was it when the pages started getting a yellowish glow, So unnatural, how come the newest pages getting the yellower hue? The colors fading into grey, The kisses into sparsely disconnected pages, The body healing its outer layer Leaving the bleeding for the unseen insides Barred from telling the story to the world, Silent, Not even a word penetrating into the book's last pages Covered invariably by a cacophony of question marks Separated by a forest of meaningless vowels... Dying memories, Recent memories, mostly forgotten already Some even before getting born Leaving the last pages so full of dead dreams. A battle field Littered by corpses slowly decaying into disjointed pictures Slowly drying into peeling paints Slowly disintegrating into forgotten moments. Lost. Gone. Last piece of liver gone. Hercules couldn't rescue him this time. Hercules is but a myth, Prometheus is alive, smiling. Dying. Finally, Prometheus is delivered. * Deliver. De-liver. Dementia. De-mentia. I don't close the book as it falls from my hands Crumbling into late evening's dust Wiped away by reality's incessant rumble about life, About immaturity of memories, About naiveté of dreams. Tomorrow they will find me, Head hanging to my chest, Mouth drooling in disgusting manner into my lap And as they try to close my eyes They will leave wondering what is this fire they could not extinguish in my eyes. They will not know I tore out the page telling the story Of stealing the fire And nailed it to my chest with golden nails Forged in the furnace of a hidden match From a piece of yellow metal That once adorned my finger.

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Peter's Shadow... Dreams are not like memories, they never leave. Memories are like dreams, they are part of us, While memories fade, dreams are but a shadow. Peter Pan had a shadow, it was attached like a dream, Then he lost it for a while, it was a missing memory. Peter was himself lost without his shadow of dreams, He thought without it his memories would disappear, He would never find his way back to Never Never Land, Straight on to daybreak, first star on the right... He was sad but the shadow was being kept safe and warm, Someone who loved Peter was saving it for him. Peter rejoiced to have his shadow returned to him, All his dreams and memories paged, just like in a book. But in the end Peter was still sad. For it was not his shadow, Not the dreams of the memories that kept Peter a legend... It was the one thing he knew he could never touch But he would always own... It was love that saved Peter. As long as he believed, Peter would always be loved, Even in Never Never Land. The dreams of tomorrow may be memories of today, But the love from your girl will never fade away... As the tips of his fingers caressed gently from page to page, Touching bitter sweet memories in the garden that grew gracefully in wild abandon, He pricked his finger on one wild thorn. This was the most important thorn in his life. As his warm blood dripped upon the yellowed pages of memories And forgotten dreams of a lifetime, He smiled. He placed the wild thorn upon his chest, then burned the book And listened to it hissing back in the hot fire. As the flames licked the pages one by one, he felt relieved. He knew this book was an imposter. Her love was carved on his heart with no beginning and no ending. It could never be stored in the darkness of a lonely world. He walked away from the fire satisfied and happy. It didn't matter that no one else knew. He knew. They knew. The garden was reseeding itself every day. No, it wasn't always perfect and there was much uncertainty And still no answers. That had never changed. This was hard for him to accept as he played in the garden, rebuilding, Trying with all his might to change even a tiny thing. He worked so hard only to have to start over and over again After the weeds would take over... Sometimes he would get so tired... but she was always waiting... And he knew it... with all her thorns... her love would always be there for him...

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Moments... Four wheels, Carrying heaven, Does it make sense? The quiet, the whiteness of snow, Heaven humming quietly As we huddle inside its warm entrails, No other soul around, Not even squirrels, or crows, A rare snowflake dropping on the windshield And melting immediately into a drop of ice. Our honeymoon refuge, Our years long marriage and minutes long stolen honeymoon As we consume our passion in one single fiery gasp Losing a virginity long treasured To a lust long buried and finally exploding like the birth of a new sun... Cuddling, after, The receding taste of a kiss, of an intimate touch, The warm somnolescence following the short moment of awakening When our dreams finally seep into reality And leave a trace of sparkling gold Upon the last of the falling snowflakes. I love you, you said. I say nothing. You know it all.

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Stupid Games... Playing stupid games, Trying to imagine you don't exist in my life, Waking up to a world running its course indifferently Reborn every day in its ignorance Of us, Of I and you, Of we two, A never born star Which never carried a dream, Flowers, a garden... The garden sowed by my words with your own seeds And colorful melancholic birds... And I bend down in pain Rolling on the asphalt Seeing huge wheels coming my way And unable to move out of their path. Unable? Unwilling?

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Sanctuary... I Looked grimly out across the cold frozen lake. I had no recollection of how I got there or why, But I was standing dead in the middle of that lake. I saw a vast mountain on the other side and I had to get there, somehow... There was a tiny beam of light coming from the mountain, It was strong and brilliant... it seemed to be guiding me... But it was so far away... I walked on and on, soon becoming conscious that I wore no shoes. For some reason I couldn't explain, I didn't feel the cold ice on my skin. To make my journey seemingly impossible a blizzard began. The snow was blinding but my body kept moving not missing one step, Dark shadows started to materialize around me Encircling my body, watching... waiting... I was frightened and closed my eyes. When I opened them the mountain was at my finger's touch. I reached my hand for the light And the mountain became the most beautiful warm grassy hill Covered with sweet smelling lilac and honey suckle, The frozen lake became a clear pond full of billowy white swans... I felt reborn as I rolled in the grass... Then... I cried tears as never before. My heart was broken... I looked at your feet and they were bleeding... Thank you for carrying me through the storm, to your garden of dreams... I honestly love you.

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How Much Do You Love Me? She Asks... How much do you love me? she asks. Ask me and I will tell you, I answer. Do you love me enough to forgive me? she asks. When drinks conquer my reason, Abandon rules my desires And out of home I wander days, and weeks, Friends and strangers touching my skin Baring my flesh to hungry regards As my lust ridden body voraciously tastes forbidden pleasures Before the haze lifts off Leaving a desolate desert in my spirit And broken, tired, disappointed I crawl back to you And ask you to take me back?... Easy question you ask, woman, I answer. Loving you is clearing your mind, Covering your flesh, Healing your spirit and seeding it with the green of life and red of love, Caring for you in your need After you've been lost and frightened for long painful moments in an alien world And finally found your own way back home To a lifetime of warmth and tenderness By my side... Do you love me enough to die for me? she asks. When death knocks at my door asking for its due All warnings having expired And I am out of change having wasted it all on pleasures Of which you were excluded Finding that the only friend I have left is the one I've kept away Never having thought of him till the moment of need Desperation having brought you back into my mind and memory And frightened I hang on to your hand Asking you to be the shield between me and eternity?... Easy question you ask, woman, I answer. Loving you is being your shadow, Following you undemanding if in sun If in darkness, Never dozing off on duty, never hiding behind pretence and opportunity And happily offering my chest to absorb a bullet directed your way Leaving this world in blessed short lived knowledge That your warmth can safely open the door to the tenderness of another tomorrow... And if I asked To lose your might, To lose your right To win a fight, To lose the battle, Lose the war As mocking crowds despisal roar, As worthless clowns Your honor maim To end your days In scorn and shame? To this I answer It's your right To feed me spite To feed me plight, To break my will, My day to end As mocking crowds my spirit bend, If this your wish My lover dear Then shame and scorn I hug and cheer. Do you love me enough to leave me? she asks. Do you love me enough to leave me? she whispers. When reality paves the path leading into a dead end street With life roaring gloriously towards an impenetrable wall And we both are in the carriage Hanging to a broken steering wheel, broken controls, broken brakes Knowing that only separating our ways will open a door into that wall Allowing a life of sorts In two separated worlds Never to be connected again except in dimming memories Of passionate kisses replaced by hollow laughter And decaying fires of the flesh?... Do you love me enough to leave me? Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer. Difficult question you ask. And I think. Never again to touch you, Never again to see you, hear you, taste you, As interminable passing days roll interminably over me their interminable torture In my knowledge that you exist in another world Inaccessible to me Never to return to a dwelling Crumbling inside walls longing for your presence And for your song?... Difficult question you ask, woman, I answer. The most difficult question of all. Yes, woman, I love you abysmally enough to leave you Into warmth, into tenderness, And to die every day of the rest of my days Knowing that you live. * She smirked in what I interpreted to be a feminine she approving of my answers fashion, or so I hoped. Then she turned into a perfect ball and started purring. I was afraid to touch her or she might start rolling and never stop. Instead I busied myself with mind games around feminine and feline and was just about to promise myself to coin and copyright a new word which will be femiline, when I heard the purring change pitch and something like... "...Your turn now..." coming out of that perfect ball. "Shall I ask you?" I asked. There was a noise similar to ...ehmmm... which is the closest I could translate into written letters, but which meant an unmistakable yes spoken from the depths of a throat too lazy to open its mouth. "Can I abstain?" I insisted. Another, this time unletterable noise came from the same ball, meaning a clear no. I looked at the curved forms guessing already what the answers might be, yet afraid to ask my questions. "Will you forgive me?" I ask. "Never", she answers and rolls tightly against me. "Will you be willing to die for me?" I ask. "Never", she answers, one appendage defining itself as a slender hand sliding out from that perfect ball and unbuttoning my shirt's top button. "And if I asked To lose your might, To lose your right To win a fight?..." "Never", the broken record in her mouth echoes its previous intonations and a second shirt button gives in to those slender fingers, the thread snapping with a sharp sound under the impatient fingertips. "Will you leave me?" I ask, my body rigid, frozen, fearing. The ball unfurls into its feminine components as she sits across my lap, eyes holding mine with hypnotizing power as her two hands tear my shirt wide open. Then she takes lumps of cloth from her own shirt in her fists and pulls it wide open with buttons jumping like the scatter of a shotgun in the room, then she lays her bare skin against mine into a perfect fit of boiling honey pouring over a blistering thorns field. I can hear only a heart beat, barely perceptible breathing, a lost sigh... Has she fallen asleep? I wait, all cramped and numb, afraid to move and disturb the ecstasy of the pain, the agony of the wait, the fright of the unknown. The sun goes down letting the whispers of ascending night softly start their slow crawl around us, when finally she moves her arms around my body, locks her fingers behind my back and in the most indifferent manner her whisper roars into my ear. "Never", she says.

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Sum Fui Futurus... True love is often like a careless child, getting lost among his toys. It may be blind and deaf, and may forget past promises. But it is also absolute in it’s faith, and beautiful beyond all recognition. Dovetailed slices of fantasy and reality, came together for one perfect week. Us.

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Passion Reborn... Hush. Quiet. Silence. Your eyes closed, Daring not open them Lest you wake up from the fiery holocaust Grinding your landscapes And charring your mountains into the desolation of a black desert Smouldering away its satiated hunger Through gasps of steaming breath Escaping your gaping mouth And blistered throat. Your fists clenched, Daring not open them Lest you lose your grip on hell's bubbling cauldron Pouring its molten brew through your veins Straight into passion ridden swamps hiding depths of your storm devastated valleys As the slaughtered gale wastes away its tidal rush Into an ever dying quake's wake Clinging obstinately to muscles gone limp And fingers in the grasp of life's awakening throes. Your heart locked, Daring not open it Lest you discover reality's winter Indifferently conquering your mountains, Icebergs turning your valleys into an immaculate white landscape of death And the velvet talking to your body and caressing your mind Slowly metamorphosing into tinkling icicles Singing a tune For no ears to hear. * I touch you. You shiver, you wake up, A weak pulsation visible underneath the whiteness against your left breast As a soft puddle of clear water forms across the melting spot, growing, And finally it elongates tear shape and slides down along your rib. "Your heart is crying" I say. "Where have you been" you say. "I have never gone away" I say. Your eyes shamefully hide their bewilderment behind transparent eyelids Betrayed in their sanctuary by an incessant flutter As your naked body curls around my ankle Clinging like an imprisoning flesh ring Tying me to a weightless infinite passion. I regard the last of the flakes turning into shimmering crystal balls all over your body, Winter's dew one by one rolling away And splashing into a firework of exploding miniature deaths all around you. "Your fire, your hell, I missed it" you say. I bend down and touch the scorched spot underneath your breast. "It's always there girl. My home, My sanctuary, My kingdom, My birthplace, My womb."

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Flutes De Pan... I heard a voice, Unexpected, the radio playing Then suddenly this colorful female voice Plaintive like a summer rain steaming away from the hot asphalt, Her tremolo vibrating inside my bones Playing through them like so many flutes de pan Voicing an ageless wail to an unhearing world And content to lay its pain to bed inside the softness of my marrow. I stopped the car, closed my eyes, Let them absorb the sensation, A sensation dragging me back to this timeless time When I shivered the way I shiver now, Inside the confined space of a truck's cabin A moment away from death Approaching me in the shape of a pair of female lips Ready to spit their fire inside me And burn my entrails to a shapeless lump Of charred heart and lungs and blood. I never woke up from that death, So more artful than anything I could ever lay down in word.

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Sad Am I, Oh, Sad Am I... Miss you Tiger, little friend Gone beyond cloud's silver end, Gone your tail stump's wagging art, Gone my joyful slice of heart, Friend of mine don't watch me cry, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Miss you Elvis, dear old friend Gone beyond sun's golden end, Gone your song's amazing art, Gone my singing slice of heart, Friend of mine don't ask me why, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Miss you Mother, gentle friend Gone beyond sky's silken end, Gone your tender caress art, Gone my loving slice of heart, Friend of mine to smile I try, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... * Miss you Lover, miss you friend Way beyond world's hazy end, Miss your passion's raging art, Gone my burning slice of heart, Friend of mine my life's a lie, Sad am I, oh, sad am I... Now my life's memories rife, Miss my life, oh, miss my life...

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Cover Girl... I knew how she looks like Having seen her so often in my mind's eye, Platinum blonde, her long hair softly flowing down to mid back Curling outwards like flowers' petals just opening up to morning's sun, Alabaster blue, shining, penetrating eyes cutting slices off my face Like steel cutting lasers testing their strength on lumps of butter, Deep red lips opening up to into a perfectly white curtain of perfectly straight teeth Able to rip through flesh and hidden bone, Venus breasts their tips hard marble, Guitar hips their touch a sunset melody, Ballerina feet their step feather light... The perfect dream... Cover girl... I met her My eyes searching every feature of that dream my mind painted over irises, Oxygenated blonde, her hair a wild mess of disarrayed curls Going whichever way round her shoulders and forehead, The blue of tired eyes warmly regarding behind glasses into a world Ending hazily a few feet away, Pink lips, slightly moist, slightly curving into a smile Uncovering teeth slightly stained by smoking, slightly crooked, Soft breasts ripened by age, Hips having carried children into life, Thin legs that once danced upon table tops... The perfect woman... Reality... Dear God, If you exist somewhere and can get away from your accounting books For a few seconds Please close your eyes and heed my words... Thank you for imperfections, For wild hair gathering lumps in my hand as I pull that head towards me Eyes glinting a pale blue focusing an immense warmth on my face As half opened lips drive sharp irregular teeth into my mouth And bare breasts offer their softness to a hand Being allowed to slide along the desire of hips And abandon of legs... The perfect love... Life...

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Melancholy... Fresh the flowers, Old the pain, Crawling mists across the plain Dress my mind melancholy Again. While the storm's eye Beckons rain, Daylight's sorrows slowly wane As I pry to depths of me, Insane. Gone's the moment, Heals the drain Feeding left of chest the stain, Drops of bitter potpourri Remain. Back is reason's Cruel reign, Ageless memories are slain As I scream my rage, my plea, In vain.

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Intimacy... When you don't think, You don't ask, You never have to ask, You just do and you know that it is always the right thing Because it can never be wrong Between lovers. You cry, Because it is the moment to cry And the reason is there to be or not, And I don't have to know because you know, All I have to do is find a clean handkerchief, Blow your nose, dry your eyes, Gather your sadness in my lap along with your body And lull you to sleep Past the tears, past the moment. You smoke, Because it is the moment of need And you don't ask if you may, And I don't comment, don't wriggle my nose in distaste and disgust Even though I hate the smoke and the smell But wait for you to unload your heart, your fear, your need, Knowing you will not do it to spite me And it pains you terribly to let me see your distress Yet once the moment gone You will cuddle in my lap And let me caress your body in silent gratitude For being so close to you. You shower, Because it is the moment to relax, To free your body of the day's stress and drown inside the drizzle Allowing me to watch your wet skin As rivers run long your breasts, down your hips and legs, Then you shake off the extra droplets And invite me to wrap the towel around you and rub you dry, Pour you inside thin underwear Before absorbing your fatigue in my skin and words as you sit in my lap And fall asleep just before the princess marries the prince And they live happily ever after. I touch you, Because it is the moment to love your body And forget those moments without you So strange to my need and desire, And you smile, You allow my hands to wander wherever they mindlessly wish to, My eyes to capture your skin beyond shyness, You whisper in my ears words you would not whisper to anyone else Demanding, asking, goading me to come as close to you As your skin, As deep inside you As your blood, As loving as no one else is allowed to Beyond our intimacy.

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Moments, First... Rolling through my mind incessantly, Those moments, the first, the once and never again event, The birth of intimacy Sealing a love doomed to live in a continuous twilight zone Except for those moments, The first, unrepeatable, unforgettable. The little cabin light turning on for a second, Insufficient time for my rushing heart to gather the all of you Inside my eyes, my senses, my life. I sat next to you, shivering. Did you see my shiver? Did you hear it? You turned your head to me, Removed your glasses... The blue, The kiss, the first, The lost senses trying to anchor into something tangible With the only reality within reach being those lips, My God, those soft, warm, fragile, mint tainted lips... The perfection of life, The beauty, the invincible only and single memory never to be erased. Not even by life.

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Barren Path... Alone I walk the barren path, The green and mighty fleet Been taken prey to autumn's wrath It crumbles at my feet. I lie upon the rotting bed And slowly sink to ground My fingers trace the tear you shed Upon the mellow mound. I soak the warmth which moons ago Your body gently poured, Hiding the caress of its glow Inside the steaming sward. A shiver shreds my aching bone As fingers slowly curl Around a necklace lying lone Of glass and peeling pearl. Will gentle winter lay its coat Upon my tired chest Then lull me into tender rot And lay my ache to rest.

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Rocks... A rock, Dull, dirty, crumbling at the edges, Cracks boring daily deeper, wider, Green moss converging into every corner Witnessing the desolation of advancing age And desert And lonesomeness. The wind, was its howling a prophecy?... I felt a breeze, a whiff of unclear origin Pushing sidewise the howl Touching my surface As if trying to understand my origin, My depth, The weak beat hammering my insides And waiting for the final thrust When time's fingers grope in mindless vileness And unforgivingly crush me into crumble Making me part of the desert, my beat part of the silence, Death. I let it penetrate, Unmindful of its probing feelers Tasting bits of my reality, a boil which gave up all hope of revival And slowly simmered down into apathy And carelessness Counting the minutes left while yearning for the seconds... I let it impregnate my mass Getting hold of cooling leftovers of smoldering coal And cajoling them into bright red, Into little flames Turning my insides a waking volcano A star collapsing into a sun's rebirth Before a raging universe of nascent memories on the verge of Creation Embraced my being In the gripe of a terrible fist And squeezed death out of me Turning the rock into the pricelessness of a shapeless diamond. I woke up Vaguely remembering desire, Love, Sacrifices to the altar of wedding souls cursed by unimpregnable obstacles Yet determined to consume their union against all odds Imposed by faith, time, life. I reached out, surprised at the flexibility of my newly born diamond arms, Groping desperately for that fading breeze now beating its retreat Smashing shield after shield, mountain after mountain, My appendages indifferent to pain and hysterics and humanity Carving a path with a mindlessness of their own, Reaching, Grabbing, Holding, squeezing, smashing... turning the escaping molecules into dust, The dust into pebbles, into rock, into diamond... releasing the hold, Relief. Finally pain, emotion, hesitation... * Diamonds. Rough, uncut, unbridled, wild. Cutting into each other. "Why?" you asked. "Why do you cut into me?" "Because I want to find your heart", I said. "You should have left me be flesh, you could have found it easily", you said. "Then you would have died", I said. "What is it to you if I live or die?" you asked. "You turned me into diamond, You are my master creator, I can not let my master creator die", I said. "I would not have died if you would not have followed me Searching for my heart. Why are you looking for my heart?" you asked. I let go. I stopped cutting. I thought. I did not know the answer. "Why am I looking for your heart?" I asked. "Do you know?" You picked up the diamond dust falling off your heart And blew it smilingly over the sky. Stars, I've never seen stars before. "I've never seen stars before" I said. "Why did I not see stars before?" "Because you have never been in love before. Being in love is seeing stars, cutting through for the heart, hurting." "Am I in love now? With you?" "Yes, you are." You smiled. "Then why did you turn me diamond? Why did you not leave me rock?" "To test if you are true. If you can love." "I did not know you before, I did not love you before. I was counting my minutes. Happily waiting." "Waiting for death?" "You don't think so?" I asked. "What else was I waiting for?" You picked a few stars, arranged them in the form of a ring Then laid it floating in front of me. Slowly gyrating, wobbling. "For me, maybe? Were you waiting for me? For my memories? For my diamond dust?" you said, answering my question with yours. I watched the sparkle in the ring, hesitating, unsure. "Maybe I was waiting for power?" I said. "I gave you power. Was it power you were looking for?" "Maybe immortality?" "Maybe, I gave you immortality, was it immortality you were looking for?" I looked fascinated as the ring shaped itself into kite And rummaged the sparkle settling in the clouds Reaping colors inside its white transparency Before twisting itself into an eight shaped ring again, so rich its colors... Was there some magic at work? "Was I looking for your heart?" I finally asked. You smiled, your polished surface shining there where I did not cut into you, Reflecting a light I was not sure where it originates from. "No. I was looking for your heart" you said. Silence. "Did I find it?" "I don't know, how will you know?" Do diamonds laugh? Is there a description to the tinkle a laughing diamond does? You laughed. "I will. You were rock." "I know, I was rock." "I turned you diamond, I did." "You did." "If I found your heart you love me. If your love is true you give me your heart." "You speak in riddles. How can I give you my heart?" "Allow it to turn flesh." "And give up my diamond shine, my power, my immortality? I turned you diamond too, will you join me?" You stayed silent, dreamy, eyes closed, Your eyelashes crawling with diamond butterflies Filling up the air with shimmering dust. I waited for an answer, none coming. I waited, minutes, days... quiet... Diamond dust studded red drops started dripping from the gash in your chest, The smile never leaving your face for a moment, The silent hum leaving your lips never ending its chant. I waited days, weeks... quiet... The shining puddle at your feet ever growing, The smile never fading, The sharp lines of your cut slightly cracking... "Open your eyes..." I begged... "Open your eyes..." I whispered... "Open your eyes..." I cried And as my finger slowly slid inside the left side of the ring I took your finger and slid it into the right side of it. * I woke up again. Remembering it all. Not doubting it for imagination, for fantasy, Knowing it for reality. I keep waking up lately a lot from my poetry, Never certain if dream if life. "See, I found your heart" you smiled and kissed my diamond ring, Placing my hand to the left of your chest. "See, I found your heart" I smiled and kissed your diamond ring, Placing your hand to the left of my chest.

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December To December... You asked me to remember The twinkle past your fear, The smiling raw emotion Asleep inside your tear, The dream riding your nightmare Its tameless mustangs wild, The guileless flare of passion Which pierced your heart, oh child. I promised to remember The twinkle in your eye, The smiling raw emotion Asleep inside your sigh, Proud herds of tameless mustangs Astride your roving dream, Your heart reflecting softly Your tender passion's gleam. "Will you..." you asked "...remember..." "Will I..." I said "...forget?" "...December to December And never to regret?" "I will..." I said "...remember..." "You will..." you said "...regret." "...December to December And never to forget."

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Feed Me... Feed me, Your hunger... Let it roll through my bones Like a river of stones Purging restless desires Inside loins merging fires And animal groans... Feed me, Your thirst... Let your motherly milk Pour a river of silk In a mouth pale and ashen Scorched by furious passion Of animal ilk... Feed me, Your serenity... Let your skin be the fleece Calming river's caprice As I lie on its feather And my pain wanes to nether In animal peace...

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Nocturnal... The approaching darkness is often flowered with a veil of luminous light, A constant, failing effort to find a place to escape loneliness, bitterness, a home. Children of the night we became, strong, yet inadequate to hear cries of the day. Do not listen, do not look! For then we might have to feel... we shut down. We did dance on laughter wings and play in the garden darkness of minds. Was it misery and hell... or was it the forceful sumptuousness of sharing ecstasy? Did we split ourselves in half? One never mirroring the other out of shear terror! We did do that... it was the most compassionate thing we did for survival. I’m not ashamed that I held you from the fall, and you... held me sturdy bending gently like the willow. In the familiar darkness of childhood dreams, we found a piece of us worth saving in the shadow. Our... Never Never Land came true, our lustful flesh became one... breathing as one, dying as one. We can’t change the past, nor would I. I will always feel your warmth in me, tasting your desire. I still have your body inside me when I need it... I don’t need permission, the memory lingers strongly. I sleep in your slipper... watch you... soaping me in the shower and then... I watch your pleasure... over and over... suddenly I am fulfilled again, I am, in my own garden. Shadows of the mind. No one can stop me. You’re touching me now... Oh... you gave this to me, my veil of luminous light... The approaching darkness is often flowered... with a trail of memories too wonderful to ever forget... Let the memories live...

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The heart does things for a reason, that even reason can’t always comprehend... In my mind's every waking moment I see you in visions past. Although each one so special, there is one, one that burns me continually, You standing outside the cabin door, me looking back, not wanting to leave you... God how I cried... That moment in time will consume me for all eternity. The heartache won’t stop, there is no light it seems. I scream viciously at you out of... is it anger or love that I can’t let go of? Yet I know, real love is more about letting go... I beg God to let my heart die completely so that the pain will stop, I strike at you blindly as I know not what else to do, I hate myself for doing that, and I cry such sweet bitter tears, For the beautiful love that was, yet will never be... Abandoned by the whole of us. I may rip at your heart, claw your chest open until it bleeds, But know this... what I do to you, I do to myself much worse. It's not you that I mean to hurt. I’m asking that you do not judge me in my time of misplaced destiny, But have unending patience for one soul who is lost in the darkness of your gardens. As I told you many times, my love is a forever burning flame, Touch your chest, feel me beating, slowly dying, trying to get out. Words on yellow paper, stains of blue ink... is a lonely world without compassion, For me... finding no middle ground... I’ve never felt so helpless, so orphaned. I must disguise myself as something I’m not, unbreakable and tough. Mean and nasty at times. Hide the pain, the salty tears... my weakness. Put the wall up, shards of glass slicing... do not let them see... The whole of me...

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Nameless, One... Sometimes when you're married You drift away within. Outside you stroll together; Inside you live in sin. A rich imagination Provides your ecstasy, A cordless, mobile heaven Where everything is free. The garden that you tend Is not the one you roam; The part of you that sings Is not the one at home. A strange and burning life: What's real is not what's true. And no one knows the passion That you believe is you. And so you are distracted, Two people in a jar, Bound by love and fate, Yet never what you are Until by chance life rips A hole right through your wall, And nothing you've imagined Looks like you at all.

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Nameless, Two... I could always see your face so clearly, smiling happily in my minds eye. And your voice, so timid yet strong... echoing with mine a love in rhyme. Suddenly without warning, I have become sightless and unable to hear. I once wrote a silly poem for your mom, funny I think of it now. Who else would do such a dumb thing and mean it? Ha, I even talked to her. I keep thinking, maybe if I could write better, responded with more enthusiasm over the smiles... I wanted to so many times, but I always thought I would someday, as they would always be mine. Just mine. You would read them to me one by one and we would share one hot chocolate. Now we will share nothing but bittersweet memories... I wish I could change but I can’t. You used to like that about me. My heart is beating so slowly now I wonder if maybe it will just stop. My eyes burn from all the days of hopeless prayers... what do you know? You are right after all, there is no God, no miracle for me just as I knew. I’m taking back my black wings, that is the only protection I have now. All my dreams have been washed from the shore. I don’t want to build them again. It hurts too much. I don’t want the smiles. I give them back to you and it hurts to do that. They don’t belong to me anymore. Hand them out like candy, they are yours. I don’t think I really hate you, I just can’t love you anymore. You don’t need me. I don’t need the pain. That has been the word all my life. Pain. I tried with you. I did. For a short while, it was pretty free for you and me. We did do some writing together though... from infancy to... well, you now do it for and with others on demand. Imagine that... Anger is a storm long out to sea. By this sweet moon, I give back the you in me...

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Higher Than Heaven... Intoxicated from 1001 sips of his breath, his life form. Immersed completely with rapture soul anxiously willing to drown. My lips curl around his. I fail to breathe. My body quivers as his aroma engulfs me, taking me higher. Steeping in seductive steam our bodies lust harmoniously. Openly we exchange our soul, our warm flesh, and play together in his garden. Lilac and warm rain are thrust deep inside me as I feel his heart pounding in wild abandon... How I wanted it to last forever... did you hear me whisper I love you? We erupt like twin torrent volcano’s... gushing wildly. He smiled. We giggled. The snow fell quietly as if witnessing our love. Surrounded by a forest of mother nature... I knew then... there is a place even higher then heaven...

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Through The Eyes Of Love... How I long to be the one to make you famous, your name forever known. Would thee then love me with the passion, that your flower garden’s grown? Were it I that could put your name in lights and best seller list were you, Would thee forget me when your higher then you ever thought you knew? It is with saddened heart I must proclaim, I cannot make real your dream, for thee my love I would sell my soul and lie or cheat and scheme... But just outside there is a tree I’ve loved for thirty years, I grew it from a tiny branch, I now give it to thee my dear. I climbed as high as I could go and found the perfect place, I carved my loved one’s name on it, where stars shine on your face. I know it’s not a billboard and your name’s not in neon light, But through my bedroom window, God protects thee every night. Though famous thee may never be the way sometimes people are, but just how many can decree, they were discovered by a heavenly star? I love this big old willow tree and I wish that thee could see... the love that carved your name in it, shines famous for God and me...

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Carved From My Heart... Though it’s just a round circle, made of yellow gold, it was crafted very gently from a simple softer mold. The gold is very genuine and the stone is oh so true, how precious is the diamond gem but not as prized as you. A ring designed with all my love, the mold made from my heart, the key to our existence was yours right from the start. Please wear it precious darling for the rest of your long life, this circle of gold champions us, we are one, forever, man and wife.

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Not Just Any... Sleepy bedroom chocolate eyes clear as the window to his soul. Drooling with dollops of pale russet sparkles twinkling all looking at me. A killer smile. I held his shaking hands and our eyes met followed by a kiss. Not just any kiss. A too long awaited, perfectly planned out, that turned spontaneous, awkward, trembling, achingly hungry... and most magnificent kiss known to man or beast. I felt all bubbly, like a high carbonated soda pop that had been shaken up. Not just any soda pop. One look in his eyes told me I was root beer. One touch from his warm hand trembled me so, my body was foaming. My voice sounded like it belonged to a tit mouse! I stammered out a few syllables trying to gain some time to gather myself together. I was a kids puzzle with pieces missing. Oh my, but his voice... it was a melodic instrument. Not just any instrument. It was velvety and mellow. Not like a drum though he didn’t miss a beat of my heart. It was a sexy haunting saxophone deep and relentless with power. He was strumming my heart with his words. Killing me gently with every single cord. He touched my bare knee and I turned to creamy butter. Not just any butter. I was positively peanut butter! Sweet, creamy, succulent, and ready to be greedily devoured. I wanted to be spread across his body like a layer of sweet honey. Topped off with drizzled Belgian chocolate and laid out before a blazing camp fire beneath the rapture of stars. But it was winter... the next day we made love, and the next, and the next and the next... there was always a blazing hot fire, romantic music in his words, and the stars in the sky were jealous, they couldn’t match the twinkle in his eyes. I died a thousand times to be reborn with this man who truly loves me. Not just any man... he is my husband.

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I Forgive... It was now time to leave, a tearful goodbye... so long to our garden, distrust covered and dry. The path is grown wild, somewhere in the mist, Life isn’t fair... I thought with clenched fist... Should I cower or stand and fight to resist... Such a passion for life I hold deep in my soul, yet I must turn around and take one more stroll. Alone as I walk, sings the cry of a banshee, I know end is close and I’ll never be free... then lurking behind me... your shadow I see... I keep right on walking through the lilac and rose, you’re one step closer, speaking life’s regretful woes. Suddenly I feel your hand slip into mine... our fingers like flowers began to entwine, the past did not matter, forgiveness divine. You spoke not a word but looked straight in my eyes, that little boy face asked stay, please don’t let us die. You picked me a rose and the garden came to life, please accept my flower as my friend, my forever wife. "Just say you love me, and I’ll live on it the rest of my life..."

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The Truth Of Me... I didn’t ask you if you liked scrambled eggs. I knew you didn’t drink coffee. I thought about her, but you didn’t say and I was afraid to ask. I watched you out of the corner of my eye while staring at the half frozen lake. I couldn’t imagine you ever leaving... not now... not now... yet I knew you had to. I watched you swallow your food and blink your eyes. God, I wanted to be a fairy for you. Or an angel even with black wings. You wouldn’t care if I had black wings. I wanted to say so many things that I didn’t. I was so afraid of letting go, giving in. Your words kept echoing truth in my mind... she is real, she is here. I wanted to scream I am real! But... was I? For the moment I was real... you were real. I know you were because I touched your flesh with unbridled passion. You sat with your lap notebook and read to me from your soft sensual lips the enchantment of my dreams after putting your wedding ring on my finger. I smiled so bravely, but inside I was fighting back the tears I never wanted you to see. You, the poet... steals the laughter from my eyes... you rearrange the jagged edges of my past... erase yesterdays heartaches with a swift pen and a passionate promise of tomorrow. You became the man of this woman’s dream. You swore an oath on a dance floor we never danced on. You traveled thousands of miles to dry my tears, you are the truth in my arms... you can build me a Cinderella castle from a fleeting look into my mind... if it is cold, you make me warm... your only tools... heart and pen... poet skills... are you real? I don’t know, I don’t care... I love you, even as you devour me whole...

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My Patch Of Blue... Over twisted wires of steel and through my screen a broken wheel. He came to me a heart alone his little faith in danger zone. A timid soul with no protection in need he was of loves affection. Impassioned sculpture shadowed his soul, to release the man he must be whole. He dabbled with his pen of art and read I did a broken heart. My mission was to gently heal, this worded man with shattered wheel. I begged him least a million times to write the words so full of rhymes. I was the “her” who cherished his pen, that taught my heart to love again. As time raced on he began to believe, pain in his heart the fingers did weave. He finally found a way to convey, I listened intently my heart bled in his bouquet. I told him to show the world he was on the mend, never guessing for a moment... I would lose him in the end... Who out there could blame me as I fell in love, with a poet God sent me on wings of a dove.

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