• back to top

Memories... I was five. You were a small baby of four and a half. I loved you terribly even though you were a girl. On your birthday my ma gave me a book for you. I knew you don’t want a book so I brought you my brand new old stamps collection. One stamp from Brazil with only one corner missing. But you wanted a doll and you started screaming and bit my arm. I will never forget your braces. I will forever love you always. I was ten. You were an old maid of twelve. But I loved you quite much even though you had a brother and he was a criminal and he smoke a lot and very much also. One day there was a parade and I saw you there. I came close behind you and I started pulling your skirt up to see your panties. A friend told me girls wear panties and I wanted to check if he really knows. But you saw me and you started screaming and your brother hit me on the head with his left shoe. I will never forget your pink panties. True love will always never die. I was seventeen. You were a whore and I didn’t know your age. I didn’t love you at all but I was curious to see how real men do it with real women. I told my mother that I was going to the movies. I came in front of you and I started squeezing your big tits with both hands. I wanted to see if you will scream with pleasure. But you started screaming that first you want to see my money and then your boyfriend came and broke my nose. I want to forget. No money no love. I was twenty. You were a devastating beauty of seventeen. I loved you since you were thirteen. I took your hand and you did not put your head on my shoulder. Then I turned your head to me raised your chin and touched your lips. I closed my eyes. But you didn’t close your eyes and you walked away and you broke my heart. I will never forget. I will always love you. I was thirty two. You were a beautiful woman of twenty eight. I loved you madly since we married. You gave me three wonderful kids and I didn’t know. One day I drove through the city on my way to a small jewellery shop. I planned to buy you a ruby ring. But then I saw you in his arms and it smashed my dream. I want to forget yet I can’t. I want to hate yet I can’t. I was fifty five. I didn’t know you were fifty two when I read your first mail. By the twentieth mail I was a teenager in love with an anonymous acronym. I dared one day. I asked your name and I turned off the screen. Then I turned it on again. But you were not there anymore and your address was cancelled and my life was empty. I have one cyber love to forget. I have thousands of words to remember. I am eighty four. You are long gone. I loved you in many ways. I found you in many shapes and colours. Holding you touching you losing you. I had the paradise. But I remember only the hell. I loved you all my life. I don’t have much time left to forget.

• back to top

Parting... Asleep, in the bed, Soft locks crown your head, Your breast with delight A warm ray of light Fights hard to embrace Through the thin nightie lace, Your cheek pale and warm Carries shadows of storm – The colourful smears Of make-up and tears, Your fist in despair The sad teddy bear I brought you last night Is clutching so tight, The blanket askew A heavenly view Of smooth rounded hips, A tremor your lips Touches fading away, Is it dream? Is it pray? A last moment’s bliss, No goodbye. Did we kiss As we purged with a yell All the fires of hell, And your big saucer eyes – Patches off summer’s skies – Shyly dared to implore Just for one morning more Fore in Morpheus’ arms You entrusted your charms. One more street, one more train, One more town, one more plane, Far away, half world through, Here is I, there is you, Empty mind, searing pain, Will we?... When?... If again?...

• back to top

We... I took you by the hand, We rushed across the sand, We dived into the giant waves and kicked away from land. I caught you by the hand, We scrambled up the sand, We dived into the jungle thick into the no-man’s land. I held you by the hand, We slid down to the sand, We loved till flames ablaze have set the sky, the sea, the land. We sat there hand in hand, We sat on silken sand, We sat until the end of time, of sky, of sea, of land.

• back to top

You... I was sitting on my bed. Thinking about nothing in particular. It was two thirty five PM. Suddenly, you appeared at my window. Peaking inside the room and gazing at me with curious Slightly frightened eyes. Jumping in and cautiously advancing in my direction. I didn’t dare move. Did you see me? You did. You stopped for a moment, as if hesitating, then unexpectedly You were by my side. Watching me cautiously, waiting to see if I move, And little by little getting nearer and nearer. I was frozen. The perfection, the grace, the whiteness of you. A knock on the door. No! I shouted. But you were gone. I was sitting on a bench. Deep in thought. It was seven fifteen PM. Suddenly, you were all around me. Slowly closing in, swirling around and around But not yet daring touch me. Rushing in my direction and then darting away. I didn’t dare move. Did you feel me? You did. You calmed down for a moment, as if hesitating, then unexpectedly You were all over me. Blowing my hair, caressing in my face, Drowning me into your cool stormy embrace. I was frozen. The perfection, the grace, the softness of you. Somebody knocked on my shoulder. No! I shouted. But you were gone. I was sitting on top of the mountain. Thinking about you. It was five twenty AM. Suddenly, I saw you rising in front of me. Gazing at me with your terribly hot, incinerating eyes. Storming me with your fiery bliss, Blinding me with your screaming light. I didn’t dare move. Did you kiss me? You did. For a moment a grey cloud passed over your eyes And a cool calm descended over the world, then unexpectedly The cloud melted away And you were there again. Burning my eyes, turning my lips into bloody blisters. I was frozen. The perfection, the grace, the majestic greatness of you. A cloud knocked against the mountain side. No! I shouted. But you were gone. * The dove. The breeze. The sun. You.

• back to top

Offerings... You offered me the gift of love, That’s all you had to give, You offered me your heart to keep As long as I shall live. You offered me the gift of pain, That’s all you had to give, You offered me your soul to rip, Implored me not to leave. You offered me the gift of loss, That’s all you had to give, You offered me your teardrop’s deep. I left on Christmas eve. * I called it poem. “No”, you said, “It’s blood, it's tears in prose, You left a thorn in this girl’s heart, I bleed to death, my rose”.

• back to top

Naked... Naked is my soul, - no thick armour - no thin lace, Naked nothing to protect it. Naked is my soul, - no misguiding pretence, - no hidden desires, Naked nothing to protect it. Naked to your penetrating regard, Naked to your probing touch, Naked to your inquisitive expectations. I bared it all, Shamelessly, Unhesitatingly, Blindly, Naked my deepest fears, Naked my burning desires, Naked my darkest secrets, Naked my most painful memories. And I waited. Eyes closed, Head up high, Offering my neck, Offering my heart, Offering my life. Yours, Naked If to hug if to smash, Naked If to love if to kill, Naked If to live if to die, Naked If to be if to cease. * I came. I drank your tear, I drank your breath, I drank your blood, I drank your soul. I came. I whispered away your fears, I calmed away your desires, I wiped away your secrets. I loved away your pain. Your soul, Finally at peace, Asleep in my arms, Cuddled against my heart, Cloaked in my love.

• back to top

On The Grass... Rushing ants, Up the hill, Drag and pull, One two drill, Grain of rice, Crumb of bread, Stumble, go, Move ahead, Rushing ants upon the hill, On my belly I lay still, Watching, dreaming. On my hand, Two big ants decide to land, I smile down, they taste my skin, I’m decidedly of kin, Fangs they open, wink at me, On my nose they climb to see My sweet love’s pale pretty face, Deep asleep in my embrace. Buzzing bees, Round the hive, To and fro, Part, arrive, Yellow powder, Sugar dust, Build with wild Creative lust, Buzzing bees around the hive, On my nose – one, two, four, five, Squint at me – are you of us? Lazy drone or working class? One of them into my ear For a moment tries to cheer, Then at hidden signal high Swoosh, and zoom back from the sky, My sweet girls blue eyes one hour Watching. What’s this, some new flower? Fighting cubs, Round the lair, Shove and bite, Snarl and tear, Piece of ear, Bite the heel, Fearsome growls, More like a squeal, Fighting cubs around the lair, When with sudden mighty dare Rush at me with stumbling grace, Push their muzzles to my face, One quick lick - is mammy you, You know, mammy’s hairy too… On my head decide to doze, Wiggling tails tickle my nose, Wondering – whose are the charms, Who’s that fairy in my arms?...

• back to top

Chill... The sudden chill in my bones. It was sunny, Blue sky, Stars at mid day, Red roses magically staining the dunes’ deep yellow. Then, The sudden chill, The freezing deadly wind caress, Hiding the sun, Darkening the sky, Extinguishing the stars. Killing the rose.

• back to top

Waiting... I am waiting, Minutes pass, Broken shards of glass, No goodbye, no word, no letter, Where’s your smile sweet lass?... I am waiting, My stare blind, Blank and frozen mind, Tight my lips and dead my heartbeat, Where’s your word so kind?... I am waiting, Autumn’s here, Shadows, quiet, fear, Gone desire, gone the promise, Where’s your laughter dear?... I am waiting, Dark’s the screen, Words unsaid, unseen, Lost the lust and numb the passion, Where’s your heart my queen?... * I stand up. My hand hesitates. Maybe… Another second. Then with a swift move my finger pushes the button. You are gone. The machine is dead. The channel is dead. I. Am dead.

• back to top

Question... I was seven, You were five, I played soldiers, You loved Clive, I pulled pigtails, fought the dragons, wore a torn old green beret, All the time searching for you girl, I just didn’t know it yet. I was twelve, I dumped my toys, You were ten, You hated boys, And one day, I do remember with a clear and aching mind, Kissed a girl, her name... what was it?... maybe hoping you to find? Sixteen, seventeen, Eighteen, You – in love, A beauty queen, And my own life changed to wonder as I wore a golden ring, Was it you, there, in my mind’s eye, making me your only king?... Twenty six, I’m twenty eight, Is life hell? Is bliss? Is hate? And I try to guess the morrows, work and love and sleep and play, Maybe dreaming, maybe hoping, will you be there one fair day?... Thirty four, You’re thirty two, Laugh a lot, Do you laugh too? Settled. Yet, at times a looking for the... what I’m looking for?... In between the laughs, the sorrows, do I need... a little... more?... Forty nine, You’re forty seven. You found me, And I found heaven. I am here, so wide the water roaring our lives apart, You are there, so thin the silence keeping heart from beating heart. * Fifty three, You’re fifty one, Elvis gone, The Stones are done, And I close my eyes with wonder, searching back, then forth – in vain, Did we, will we ever, ever... ever make love in the rain?...

• back to top

Answer... Do you think it’s joy or sorrow as, with rage, true lovers strife ? Do you think it’s hell or heaven for the one who wields the knife? Do you think it’s sin or blessing being friend or being wife? I believe that I have loved you now, and ere, and all my life. Do you think it’s right or wrong, if, with joy, I loudly sing? Do you think it's strange or not that a bee dies with its sting? Do you think it’s true or false that the lion’s jungle’s king? I believe that I will love you till the end of life’s short spring.

• back to top

Life... When I was just a girl of six, I had my dreams all made of sticks, The clouds took shape up in the sky, A place to go to when I die. When you were just a boy of eight Your dreams were much more celebrate, With happy times and laughter near, I envy all that you hold dear. When I was twelve I called it home, The dark was me, I’m all alone, When do I leave this awful place, The tear stained cheeks upon my face. At fifteen you were having fun, From girl to girl you were the sun, The sparkle in your eyes so bright, The world was yours most every night. At eighteen I had far surpassed, My dreams of sticks were shards of glass, I didn’t have the strength in me, To walk this path, my destiny. You married in the lands of joy, A lucky girl, a wind swept boy, Your dreams alas had all come true, A rose for her and one for you. Though I walked on, my dreams were run By stormy skies and not by sun, It wasn’t long before I knew, That dreams were visions, never true. You had your up’s and some were down, But always feet strong on the ground, Your life was not a guessing game, Direction north, always the same. I had no compass to find home, On wing and prayer walked alone, My heart was closed, with lock and key, No one could touch it, even me. An angel’s breath, and… you appear, Calm all my storms, dry all my tear, Me writing smiles, funny and sad, Feelings I know I’ve never had. You ask me when, or if can be, Yet yours’ the answer, yours’ the key. The more I breathe, closer I get, To this one place we won't forget.

• back to top

Oz... Tin Man, Tin Man, don’t you cry, Rust will set into your eye, On your lips will freeze the sigh, You will die. Tin Man, Tin Man, don’t you crash, Rugged cracks your chest will gash, Dreams of blood and flesh so brash Gone to trash. Tin Man, Tin Man, don’t you pound Hollow chest with heartless sound Searching love with nothing found All earth round. Tin Man, Tin Man, one night through I will share my heart with you, And I’ll be, by morning dew, Dead and blue. No, my Dorothy, my queen, Die I’m ready, ‘cause I’ve seen Love. Though this my heart has been Made of tin.

• back to top

Lady... Lady, lady, fair and free, Will you share your spring with me? Laddie, laddie, Young and wild, Will I bear Your bastard child, Will you light My passion’s fire, Will you cool Your wild desire, And at road’s turn Will you say - Fare thee well... My heart to slay? Lady, lady, soft and free, Summer will you share with me? Young man, young man, Gay and bold, Will I want Your hands to hold, Will you burn My heart’s sweet dream, Will you live A roaring dream, And at morning’s Fading night, Will you go And kill my light? Lady, lady, pale and free, Autumn then please share with me? Dearest boy, Your handsome face, Will I love Your hot embrace, Will you make me Passion’s slave, Will you joke, And sneer, and rave, And when tears From eyes will flow, Will you laugh, And will you go? Lady, lady, soft as rhyme, May I share your winter time? Gentle sir, Will thou me swear, My name across Your heart to wear, When pain, when ache, To wipe my brow, My darkest nights To set aglow, And when my day Will be to part, A rose to wear Across thy heart? Gentle lady, I thee swear, Your name across My heart to wear, When pain, when ache, To wipe your brow, Your darkest nights To set aglow, And when your day Will be to part, I’ll lay across Thy silent heart.

• back to top

Magic... We sat on a bench. Cheek to cheek. Ear to lips and lips to ear. Whispering in the frozen dusk words covered by a thin frosty mist. Let’s whisper tales, Of handsome kings, Of fragile queens, Of harlequins, Of saintly virgins, Deadly sins, Of fearful knights, And magic beans, Of moonlit skies, The little prince, Of wizard’s spells, Of... dot com jeans?... You didn’t smile. I broke the magic. The thin silver thread trapping us in its spidery intricacies was broken. Like the sound of broken crystal. Dead. The tingle frozen, the tinkle gone. Forever. I tried to take your hand, to apologize. It was too late. You stood up, a painful drop of liquid crystal in your left eye. And you left. Forever. The whisper hollow, Brave king dead, His queen and knights Roll drunk in bed, The virgins whore, The harlequins Fed to the goats The magic beans, Sick is the wizard, Gone the spell. Private domain. Keep out. Dot hell. I finish the warm, tasteless beer. A formless unshaven face looks back at me from the broken mirror behind the bar counter. Good thing I don’t have to worry about my overflowing bladder anymore. The bartender wants his pen back. I leave a tip and he mumbles something that could be thanks or a curse. He was still mopping at my place as I got out into the street. Opposite side a bar "The Naked Prince". A life for sale street. Life and love for sale. The sinning part of the city. Even the moon refuses to shine its light in the dark alleys. I open the car door and slide behind the wheel. Dropping the piece of paper on the chair next to me. Fumble a bit with the key to find the ignition. I finally find it. The motor wakes up to life with a deafening roar.

• back to top